I'm so unhappy.  I can't even be deep anymore, because I'm so shallow.  I see things as they are, I over think and I fall apart with a moments notice.  I'm grabbing onto to things to keep me here, but everything is failing.  I don't know what I want, or need for that matter.  I don't know where I'm walking, fuck I don't even know if I'm moving.  I'm standing still.  Just watching the world pass by and wishing I could pass with them.  I lay on the grass in the gardens today, listening to loud music and wished I could just sink into the ground.  I want to disappear.  Not die, just stop for a moment or four.  Its hard, sometimes, to smile.  I flatlined today, I don't normally do it when people are around.  I blanked out, I don't even remember about an hour of today.  I just, stopped for a moment.  Sometimes I'm happy to make myself go blank.  Its odd.  I don't want to die, but I don't like living.  I just want to be happy.  But I forgot how to do that.  My bad.